I was feeling super high after Cabaret de Caliente’s Burlesque Valentine to Led Zeppelin — a show that was special to me because Zeppelin is one of my all time favorite bands and I gave what I felt was a tremendous performance after a lot of hard work and rehearsals.

I received props from fellow performers and audience members and felt like I had achieved something really special being vulnerable, sexy and exciting on stage and producing a show so fabulous people walked out glowing and posted their thanks days later.

And then I saw this comment about a pic of me posted after the show:

“Is that a girl or a man in drag? Most flat chested exotic dancer I’ve ever seen…”

Photo: Jessica Aquistapace

I’m a 39 year-old woman with two sons, old enough to know better than to trash talk other women (or anyone)!

Initially I chose to take the high road and instead of calling this woman out, I invited her to come see a future show so she can appreciate the sexuality of all types of people.  But honestly, that hurt!

Perhaps she thinks it’s easy to take your clothes off and entertain a room full of people?

I can’t begin to fathom what would motivate her to publicly post something negative about a complete stranger.  Experience has taught me that words like these stem from insecurities and I’m tremendously thankful that I’ve had the love and support of friends, family, fans and my children to work through many of mine and show my true self onstage.

It breaks my heart when women do not support eachother, there are enough barriers to happiness in the world.  It may seem small, but this insensitivity supports a culture comfortable with stereotypes and segregation.  And that is straight not OK with me.

So here it is: if you have criticism that could help improve my performance, connect deeper with my audience, excite them more, send them home with shivers, etc., please drop me a line or say it to my face.  If all you have to say is something negative about my body that gives you the illusion of superiority, you can stuff it.

I love that Modern Burlesque celebrates people of all body types, performance backgrounds and sexual orientations.  Perhaps you were an Exotic Dancer in a time where there was less flexibility and freedom, or you just plain think bigger boobs are sexier.  I hope that you can be happy for growth in culture and Burlesque that celebrates the sexuality of more types of people — the more positive sexual energy in the world the better for all!

Eva’s Temptation at Hubba Hubba, Photo Belle Arts

Even if you don’t think my body is sexy (which is fine, really), plenty of men and women find both my body and my dance very sexy.  They’ve told me so and continue coming to my performances, hooray for variety!  To be clear, live performance is my art form – please do come see my show before you offer up any criticism, and I hope to Goddess that at this point in your life you know the different between criticism and cattiness.

If you do come to Cabaret de Caliente, please keep in mind two of our very important rules:

1.   Be Open to New Ideas

2.   Don’t Bad Mouth Performers

And if you have not yet reached the point of maturity to respect these rules, I hereby invoke Dr. Bob: “Be nice or leave!”

I had been a Mom for several years and even though I took dance classes through both pregnancies, I missed performing for a crowd as I had done a large part of my young life.  I decided to pursue Burlesque specifically at Tease-O-Rama many years ago, but it wouldn’t be until 2010 that I would start classes with Bombshell Betty, put on my first pasties and show them to the world.       

It wouldn’t be until almost three more years, that I really uncovered The Gift of Sexy.

Not long ago I realized part of the reason Burlesque appealed to me, aside from my visceral reaction to shiny things and feathers, was the desire for my true self to be appreciated.

Wiping dirty butts and scrubbing dishes is often thankless, or the gratitude is far between so getting up onstage and hearing “Ohs” and “Ahs” is immediately satisfying.  Not to mention the major shift in body image that goes with two pregnancies.  Anyone who has had quick shifts in their physical appearance with weight gain or loss, surgery, injury, whatever, can relate to the challenge of just getting comfortable in your own skin again.  Smiling people cheering for any revealed body part is quite helpful!

But over time a fabulous change took hold.  As I worked to create more interesting and stimulating acts for myself and my audience, I was forced to explore my authentic feeling and expression of sexuality.  The best way to draw my audience in was to express real emotion and excitement, which is very vulnerable and damn hard to do onstage or in front of a single person.

I had been slowly stepping into a closer relationship with The Goddess so it felt natural and safe for me to begin this process by offering my performances as dedication and prayer to her, in hopes of sharing this energy with my audience.

Not long after my dedication I met CocoLectric and Isis Starr, two fabulous Burlesque performers and Goddess celebrants.  I had lovely and real conversations with each of them about the importance of moving and grounding sexual energy. I was on the right path!

I was accepted to perform at The Bachelor Pad Magazine Party at Tiki Oasis in August and felt it was time to attempt a classic Glamour, uber-sexy act.  The fabulous hosts Jason Croft and Dr. Shocker assured me that they enjoyed my performance and the audience cheered, but I didn’t feel like myself onstage and personally felt like it was an act that     would never see stage lights again.  I was still working out how to be true to myself and super sexy, not there yet but their purple shrouded stage certainly pushed me in the right direction.

My journey continued with a powerful class taught by Kristina Nekyia, “Bring Sexy Back”  at Dottie Lux’s School of Shimmy.  She encouraged us to throw away the idea of a perfect sexy tableau in performances and instead invite our audiences to take a journey of sexual discovery with us.  Wow!  Someone just told me to be real on a Burlesque onstage.  Considering all the fake eyelashes, glittering costumes, succulent make-up and hair products, this is a BIG deal!

My performances took on a whole new level of excitement for me, and thus for my audience.

My first performances were tongue-in-cheek or cute and sassy sexy.  Perhaps because the sexy I was trying to emulate is the ideal of ads and glamour magazines.  So not me. I  shower and brush my hair on a good day, it’s major if I put on more than leggings and a t-shirt and certainly a night out or job interview if make-up is involved, but Marvin Gaye can be on my backing track at any moment.

Classic Glamour acts didn’t initially feel real because I hadn’t discovered my voice in them.  Doing super pretty for the sake of pretty isn’t me.  I need a thought provoking message in my acts because that’s how I roll in life.  Finding the way to make that sexy, as in “Let’s hit the sheets NOW,” not just “Hey I’m getting more naked” — blew my world open.

I still feel that the world is missing a grounded, safe connection with personal sexuality.  The power of Life Force frightens many into thinking it must be controlled or contained, but I don’t see that doing much good in the world.

I invite you to dump all that shame and feel good, really good, about being sexy wherever you are, whatever you look like, RIGHT NOW.      

And then the most wonderful piece of my journey so far fell into place.  I felt a lot more sexual energy flowing in every day life.  My Gift of Sexy had arrived when I learned to become vulnerable and real with my energy.  So funny I needed an audience for that!

And now with the encouragement of the ladies at iCandy Pole Dance and the best Playa Ground Score ever, Rono & Sierra of LifeStylized, I have found a way to share my gifts further through stories like this and Burlesque classes and workshops.  I have received appreciation from so many people for the work I’ve just started that I can’t imagine doing anything else.

So there it is my friends, being truly appreciated requires being truly vulnerable and sharing your expression of life with the world.  May you find the strength to open to your gifts and share them!  Blessed Be

PS — If you find this helpful or inspiring, please do share this with friends, this message needs to be heard!  Thank you